Are We Confusing Happy with Happiness?
Why ‘Being Happy’ Shouldn’t Be Your Life Goal.
“I just want you to be happy”, with her arms wrapped tightly around my back, my mum squeezed gently and then let go.
“Thanks, I will be”, I responded meekly before awkwardly climbing into the passenger seat of the cold-grey Peugeot 407.
It was a bleak, cloudy but warm August morning in 2016. The car was crammed to the brim of my and my partner’s small collection of worldly belongings. With boxes and hangers prodding us from behind and above, we set off from England, on a ten-day road trip through Europe where I would finally relocate to Finland.
A life dream for me, to live abroad.
Happy vs Happiness
I’ve heard that phrase many times throughout my life. I’ve even said it to other people. “Be happy”. Yet, I haven’t always been happy and I’ve scolded myself for that.
But, here’s the thing. Being happy is not a life goal. It’s a feeling. Happy is as temporary as sadness, anger or fear.
Happy is feeling, showing, or causing pleasure or satisfaction. Although the definition of happiness is the feeling of being happy, in society we more often refer to happiness as a state of well-being and achievement of a level of life satisfaction.
The definitions generally are subjective, yet I believe in our society that we still confuse the two.
We confuse being happy, with happiness. We chase happiness by pushing ourselves to be constantly happy. If happy is a feeling, it is temporary.
We experience the full range of emotions – and feeling happy is a part of that. If we learn to accept that happy is a feeling that will come and go, even on a daily basis then I believe we will be closer to achieving happiness.
Happy is a part of happiness, but it is not happiness.
Happiness is about achieving life satisfaction through contentment. It’s not about being happy all of the time.
There is often a mistaken view that happiness in life means we will be always happy – but happiness is learning to be content. Accepting the moments you are happy and the moments you are not.
Finland, The Happiest Country in the World
A good example of this happy vs happiness theory is from the happiest country in the world.
In 2021, Finland was voted the happiest country in the world for the fourth year running. Are the Finnish people happy every day? Or have they pursued happiness?
“Finnish happiness isn’t skin deep and immediately visible — it’s deeply engrained in our being”. — Heli Jimenez
Maybe it is wrong to say Finland is the happiest country in the world. What is ironic is that stereotypically, Finns don’t exude joy.
They are characterised as introverted, modest, and silent. Also, they have one of the highest suicide rates in Europe. Due to their reserved nature, Finns often keep their emotions private, resulting in difficulty in discussing problems openly.
Yet, many Finns are content. With beautiful landscapes, Finnish culture encompasses a perseverant attitude. Finns engage regularly with nature, in all weathers and live a relaxed way of life.
As a nation, they experience low crime levels, a high standard of living, a strong welfare system, and free education. They are content. And their happiness is a result of their contentment.
“We appreciate the small things in our daily lives, such as sitting quietly on a bench and staring at the empty lake after a relaxing sauna session or taking a morning dip in the sea before starting the working day,” — Heli Jimenez
How to Be Happy
As stated, happy is a feeling that some days, rolls up, parks up, and stays with us an entire day. Some days, the happy feeling is harder to find than a mouse in a basement cellar.
Accepting that feeling happy can be temporary is key to laying those foundations of understanding happiness.
Yet, there are ways to increase the likeliness of feeling happy.
- Get the basics right. Sleep, eat a balanced diet, exercise, drink lots of water. That’s it.
- Fight the negativity. Often we don’t realise when the daily grind gets us down and we get sucked into a negative way of thinking. Some days we have to wake up and choose to be positive, even if we don’t feel like it. That can lead to genuinely feeling happy.
- Remember what makes you happy. How to be happy is entirely subjective. It’s not a one size fits all approach and what makes one person feel happy, might (and probably) won’t work for the next. Try to remember what last made you feel happy, and consider whether is it possible to re-create that happy feeling.
- Laugh. Make someone laugh. Find someone who makes you laugh. Watch something that makes you laugh. Hell, even make yourself laugh. Just find a way to laugh.
- Be grateful and be kind. Not asking you to keep a daily morning gratitude diary, but take a moment to acknowledge the good in your life right now and appreciate that. And be kind. That needs no explanation.
How to Find Happiness
- Think long-term. You’re not aiming to feel happy every day, but you are aiming to achieve contentment in your life. Again, this is subjective – it is different from one person to the next. Sit down and write down long-term goals for your life. What do you think will provide you with contentment in your life? Aim for that.
- Think short-term. Now sit back down and think about short-term goals. What can you do now or soon that will move you closer to achieving your long-term goals? Write them down and do those.
In the future, don’t chase being happy. Accept that feeling happy will come and go. Find contentment in your life and it will lead to a level of satisfaction.
And don’t confuse happy with happiness.
